Progression; completed song.

[Bubba]

Hi gang. This one has had a long, long gestation. I thought I'd never get it out.

Progression mix 1.mp3

Progression

With willingness I saw you meet the world
Incredulous I watched
As you turned from grey to pink

So vulnerable, so tiny in my hands
So terrified we were not fit to cope with your demands

Somehow we made it through
We did our best for you
But now I face this emptiness
And pain I never knew



With willingness the music came to you
From three years old I watched
As your skill and passion grew

I can’t express the rapture that I found
To play the songs we played and how we shared that common ground

Somehow we made it through
We did our best for you
And now I face this emptiness
And pain I never knew



With nervousness you went into the world
It felt just like abandonment to leave you in that room

But you flourished and you’ve made yourself anew
I knew it had to happen, and you know I’m proud of you

Somehow we made it through
We did our best, it’s true
But I still face this emptiness
This void the shape of you.
And pain I never knew.

[JD01]

Listened to this through 2 or three times now. Really like it, nothing to really pick at from me. Maybe the vocal is a touch loud, but then I know you like loud vocals.

Also, thing you could have used that synth pad you used in the intro a bit more throughout the song.

[vomitHatSteve]

See, I spent all this time trying to figure out how to do a post-punk song, and then you just casually drop something that sounds like the smiths!

The only nit that really sticks out to me is that the vox are a bit sibilant and might be a touch bright overall.

[Bubba]

See, I spent all this time trying to figure out how to do a post-punk song, and then you just casually drop something that sounds like the smiths!

The only nit that really sticks out to me is that the vox are a bit sibilant and might be a touch bright overall.

Ha ha - thanks Steve. You're probably right about the vox. I wanted them to pop and be easy to understand. I'll revisit. Also, the song's not had a good listen through the proper monitors yet.

[Lt. Bob]

I like this!!

Vox is NOT too loud ...... vocals should be loud ..... the only people that want vox buried are folks who are insecure about the singing.
These vox are fine and so, should be easy to hear ....

Nice tunage .... thought the guitar solo was a tiny bit thin sounding ...

Nice work man!

[Bubba]

I like this!!

Vox is NOT too loud ...... vocals should be loud ..... the only people that want vox buried are folks who are insecure about the singing.
These vox are fine and so, should be easy to hear ....

Nice tunage .... thought the guitar solo was a tiny bit thin sounding ...

Nice work man!

Thanks very much Lt.! I turned them down then turned them up again because what the song says is really important to me. I haven't updated the mix yet, as I want to get all the nits in before I do anything!

[rayc]

The guitars make even more sense now there's a melody overlaid.
You really had the texture sorted in advance didn't you?
Narrative TICK
Melody TICK
Excellent Bubba, excellent.

[SweetDan]

Ah, that's how it goes...nice!

...I want to get all the nits in before I do anything!

A couple syllables in the vocal stuck out to me and could use pitch correction; manually nudging them might do the trick, or comping in bits from alternate takes if you have (or can make) them:

Verse/Pre-Chorus/Chorus#1: "..saw *you* meet the world...", "...in *my* hands...", "...But *now* I face..."

#2: "...music *came* to you...", "...songs we *played*..."

#3: "...with *nerv*ousness...", "...but I still face this emptiness..."

[Armistice]

Well that emerged quickly!

I would make the guitar solo a touch more prominent and dry it out a bit if poss. Personal taste thing.

There's a bit of pitchiness in one or two spots, and you can probably go in with a volume envelope and turn a syllable or two up - some of the lower notes might sound better with just a volume nudge - they're a bit indistinct in spots. I think the overall vocal level is good. Wouldn't turn it down... but I'd either tune, or re-sing a few bits. I know how you feel about autotuning, however.

I'd tend to do something "moar" in the chorus, vocally, to make it pop a bit more. Harmony? Double? Just a suggestion.

Good to see you get it to this final stage, but what's the rush...

[TripleM]

I thought this sounded excellent. Bass sounded really cool. Great growl and a cool part. Drums sound excellent. Love the snare especially.

I thought the vocal level was OK - but maybe just a nudge loud. But more than that, there was a little bit to it. I think if you notched out a bit in the mid-2Ks it would tame it. It would probably be at a better level tool.

Guitars sound cool. Rhythm guitar on the right has a bit of bite too.

All in all though these are small nits. It was excellent.

[Bubba]

Thanks for the comments everybody, much appreciated.

Regarding the vocals, lets just admit that they're a bit shit and I know they are. If it wasn't for the subject matter I wouldn't have had a go at it. Everything about them is wrong - the key, the tone, the phrasing... I don't like them at all and they're ruining the song, for me! I did them mainly as a guide vocal for Rob to learn the song (though the jury's out on whether he will want to do it) and because there really ought to be a version of the song with me expressing the sentiments.

I'm glad that the rest of the music holds up well, though. I will turn up the guitar solo Armi and I agree that more needs to be done to lift the chorus. Definitely some doubling and/or harmonies are required.

[JD01]

Thanks for the comments everybody, much appreciated.

Regarding the vocals, lets just admit that they're a bit shit and I know they are. If it wasn't for the subject matter I wouldn't have had a go at it. Everything about them is wrong - the key, the tone, the phrasing... I don't like them at all and they're ruining the song, for me! I did them mainly as a guide vocal for Rob to learn the song (though the jury's out on whether he will want to do it) and because there really ought to be a version of the song with me expressing the sentiments.

I'm glad that the rest of the music holds up well, though. I will turn up the guitar solo Armi and I agree that more needs to be done to lift the chorus. Definitely some doubling and/or harmonies are required.

Just practice the fuck out of it, Bubba... and if you're still struggling use the JD technique: Autotune the fuck out of it using ReaTune to use as a guide track, then copy and past the effects chain, including the ReaTune to a new track and do take after take until you're happy with it, then turn the tuning off.

[Armistice]

They're not a bit shit at all Bubba. Just need a little more work. It takes me a few weeks of practice to get to "take" stage and you went from no lyrics to tracked in about 2 days. So I'm not surprised you haven't nailed every note perfectly. Sing it a few more times and do a few more takes and it'll be the better for it.