SHOPPING LIST song draft

[rayc]

I wrote a silly lyric last night based on the two item shopping list Kim & Lauren prepared.
This arvo I sorted a chord progression and "melody" to go with it.
Sadly my interface is even worse today - new one's due any moment, so I did some DI guitar and bass to work out arrangements as well as a rough vocal.
All of it will be replaced once I've received and sorted my new interface.
Guyatone LG125 guitar into an ACtone pedal. Bass, my super cheap Hofnockoff straight in.
thoughts, ideas, directions etc. are most welcome.

FINISHED and MASTERED

MST strawberries and bread.mp3

As it's very new I have only run through the guitar part the four times it took to do the four tracks...LOTS of flubs...but I'll get it together eventually.

Strawberries & Bread2.mp3

Here's a very slight update...some bogus Baritone spaghetti sans sauce.


NEW interface Day so I retracked the bass - just to suss out the "monitor" latency etc.
seems okay. The bass was tracked with the 4K FX button engaged. I don't think I like it for bass. These are just me experimenting with an arrangement so it's no biggy.


I attempted new guitars today...Marshall amp and one side has a little boost while the other is as the package describes. It took ages to work out the latency/monitors set up for the interface...it certainly isn't as good at that part as the 2i2.
I've kept the bass low in this mix so the guitars are clear for crits. Nothing on the guitars but a high pass at about 75Hz on the Guitar Bus.


I tried to follow some of the suggestions offered by@WhiskeyJack. At this point some accent guitars and I replaced most of the Bossa Nova organ ending with more spaghetti AND a pick scrape.


I redid the vocals using the 4K button and added an accent guitar...


I've fixed some of the wonkier timing on the vocals and adjusted the spaghetti levels.


With this mix I've replaced the accent guitars, added some aaahs and that's about it.


This one's about balancing the instruments n vox. How'd it go?


I replaced the ACtone tracks with a similar arrangement in the Strawberries part and a powerchord sustained part in the Don't Know part but used a miced Pignose for some variety. Fen high vox swap sides with the added guitars.


lyrics
Strawberries and bread
Break my bones until I've bled
Strawberries and bread
Break their bones until they've bled
Strawberries and bread
Break your bones until you've bled
Strawberries and bread
Bloodless white congealed red.

You don't know what you're doing to me
Don't know what you're doing through me
Don't know what we're doing do we?
Don't know what we're doing.

Strawberries and bread
Take your pain to bed
Strawberries and bread
Trap it in your head
Strawberries and bread
Wake up when you're dead
Strawberries and bread
Bloodless white congealed red.

You don't know what it's doing for me
Don't know what it's doing to me
Don't know what we're doing do we?
Don't know what we're doing.

Strawberries and bread
You're Snow White and I'm Rose Dead
Strawberries and bread
Sliced white and plump fed
Strawberries and bread
Break our bones until we've bled
Strawberries and bread
Bloodless white congealed red

[rayc]

New bit.

[WhiskeyJack]

Congrats on the new interface!

The addition of the slinky spaghetti guitar was awesome!! Made it a whole new song. I kind of want to hear it somehow the whole way through the song.

Only my two cents here, i think given the silly simplistic nature of this song, I think I'd like one less chorus and replace it with a bit more silly baritone spaghetti wankery. But that's just me. I am sure others may disagree. But the chorus or what i feel is the chorus doesn't really do much for me. It all just kind of runs together. It has potential to be more. I don't know i am just spitballing ideas your way.

You gotta get more creative with that organ at the end too. It's like it's burping ideas and not quite sure of itself. that much needs work for sure.

I like how you say Strawberries. STAWWWWBRIES. Awesome. I am going to say it like this now. I just know i am.

[rayc]

Congrats on the new interface!
The addition of the slinky spaghetti guitar was awesome!! Made it a whole new song. I kind of want to hear it somehow the whole way through the song.
Only my two cents here, i think given the silly simplistic nature of this song, I think I'd like one less chorus and replace it with a bit more silly baritone spaghetti wankery. But that's just me. I am sure others may disagree. But the chorus or what i feel is the chorus doesn't really do much for me. It all just kind of runs together. It has potential to be more. I don't know i am just spitballing ideas your way.
You gotta get more creative with that organ at the end too. It's like it's burping ideas and not quite sure of itself. that much needs work for sure.
I like how you say Strawberries. STAWWWWBRIES. Awesome. I am going to say it like this now. I just know i am.

Thank for listening & responding Shan,
Hopefully the interface will see off all of the problems plaguing me of late.
I spent ages trying to work out a solo and even used the computer to do one but, in the end, even that (the Bossa Nova organ) just bounced through the chords so figure why not...some EQ, spring reverb and tremolo had it quickly enough. I think it's better in time now...weird set up for monitoring on this thing - particularly if the amp is loud in the room..I ended up going fully DAW with the guitar mutes in it and having it jackhammer through the headphones.
Yes, the chorus/verse stuff is pretty thin...which part do you hear as which?
I'll see if I can differentiate a bit better.

[stratmonkee]

Listened to the very last mix. Mix is very clean and everything sounds like it sits well and is defined , can pick out all the instruments /vocals great. Like the lyrics! Gonna be hearing "strawbreeees and bread" , in my head, till im dead ....:>)
Cool song !

[rayc]

Listened to the very last mix. Mix is very clean and everything sounds like it sits well and is defined , can pick out all the instruments /vocals great. Like the lyrics! Gonna be hearing "strawbreeees and bread" , in my head, till im dead ....:>)
Cool song !

Thanks Gene,
easy n fun.
New mix in the OP.

[CrowsofFritz]

This is a fun song! I’m not a fan of the vocals that sound like it was recorded in an empty bathroom, but I understand that is an artistic decision and fully subjective. It’s good!

[rayc]

This is a fun song! I’m not a fan of the vocals that sound like it was recorded in an empty bathroom, but I understand that is an artistic decision and fully subjective. It’s good!

No art in the vocals Crows,
Vocals recorded in a small room, double tracked and a smidgen of reverb. I think my voice sounds like it's coming from a drain hence the bathroom timbre.

[JD01]

Jesus... this have moved quickly! It's had 13 mixes and I haven't even managed to listen to it yet!

[TripleM]

I went straight to mix #10 I think. Very cool song.

Love the pulsing guitar parts. The tone on them is terrific.

Bass is a little undefined. But not bad. Low end is at a real good level.

The hats might be a little high in the mix. Snare/Kick might be a little low.

The vocals sounded like they were recorded in a room about triple the size of the rest of the instruments. It's sounds like a decent vocal performance. I'm not sure it needs to be buried in effects. I'd like to hear what it sounds like if it's cleared up. Good harmonies.

[rayc]

@TripleM ,
Excellent info/observations - sadly, after waiting a week for more suggestions, I finished it as best I could and sent it for mastering.

[JD01]

I quite like this song, Ray.
Listening straight in at 13.
I think the kick is bit loud.
There's too much weird reverb effect on the lead vocal - quite fishtanky if you know what I mean.
Seems like you've got decent enough performances there, you just need to clean them up a bit.

Right at the start there's some sort of artifact on the guitar like it clips really badly or it might be a drippy drippy spring reverb.

[rayc]

I quite like this song, Ray.
Listening straight in at 13.
I think the kick is bit loud.
There's too much weird reverb effect on the lead vocal - quite fishtanky if you know what I mean.
Seems like you've got decent enough performances there, you just need to clean them up a bit.

Right at the start there's some sort of artifact on the guitar like it clips really badly or it might be a drippy drippy spring reverb.

Thanks James,
Yes, VERY drippy spring reverb. I heard that sound but kept it.
There's a tiny bit of reverb on the vocal - the effect is a result of the double tracking and a vocal thickener. I can't get any tighter and I need the double performance to thicken the weak vocal. I tried without them and it does sound less fish tank but also sounds really weak.
Kick has been tweaked and bass replaced the bass which also masks the kick a little more.
My wife & sister-in-law hate this song - possibly because it was based on their shopping list...or the nagging vocal...or just becasue they don't like my music.

[WhiskeyJack]

This one is leaps and bounds above the conceptual version buddy!!!!! It is far more alive and rocking along. Super fun. I love that you punted that farty organ i remember hearing and replaced with your baritone surfy bit!! So killer.

I don't have much to gripe about. The kick is a bit up front it could use some dialing back or something to get it less in my face.

Awesome song dude!

[JD01]

My wife & sister-in-law hate this song

That alone is a reason to love it.

[rayc]

My wife & sister-in-law hate this song

That alone is a reason to love it.

It's par for the course. I'm used to getting no "likes" from Kim. She'd buy me gear but hate what I do with it.
Tender loving support!
I suspect the actual hate is for the earwormness of this one...it nags.

[Alison]

Hi! Trying to catch up, life has been busy these days. . . interesting song @rayc I'm not really sure what the lyrics are trying to say (sorry, I'm a BIG lyric person!) but, I thought the music was very powerful. . .driving me to hear more. Well done!
As for Tender loving support, I totally get that, my husband endures the hours I spend practicing or in the studio with the "do not disturb" sign on but, I'm not sure he realizes what I'm actually doing! Anyway, love the song.

[rayc]

Hi! Trying to catch up, life has been busy these days. . . interesting song @rayc I'm not really sure what the lyrics are trying to say (sorry, I'm a BIG lyric person!) but, I thought the music was very powerful. . .driving me to hear more. Well done!
As for Tender loving support, I totally get that, my husband endures the hours I spend practising or in the studio with the "do not disturb" sign on but, I'm not sure he realizes what I'm actually doing! Anyway, love the song.

Hello & thanks @Alison ,
Being an old retired person I have the time to indulge myself.
The lyrics - well, it started out as a shopping list consisting solely of Strawberries & Bread which I spied on my way to bed.
My brain translated that to red & white and from there to blood & bone.
That gave me the idea of a gothic tale via a fruit sandwich metaphor for flesh which I wrote in bed almost straight away.
Choruses of physical abuse & the cycle it creates with verses about being used/emotional abused/out of control.
Tied together with an almost chromatic chord progression with no centre and almost no resolution.
The writing and draft recording took less than a day after which I faffed about for a week with guitar & bass tone problems while trying to sing close enough to the notes to get away with it.
I'm a lyrics nerd but it was liberating to run with the words that dribbled out in a 20 minute stint and to use a melody that took two "run throughs" of the vocal (both useless) to congeal.

My new "space" is downstairs but there's almost no way of preventing the music leaping through the floor boards into the living room...extended exposure to the sheer awfulness of the development/recording, (including quite loud guitars), may have contributed to the "no love lost" feeling of my spouse toward this one...my sister-in-law threatened violence if exposed to it again.
If you check the video in the Video Killed the section it may makes more sense.